Yeah, it’s been a long time since I’ve been here. And a long time since I’ve worked out. Yup, we’ll just cut right to the point. That’s why I’m here! I’ve been living life, enjoying life, building life, and slacking. I could call it relaxing, but it’s just plain slacking.
Had my 18 month check up a couple of months ago. Didn’t gain anything over the past 6 months. That was great news since my doc said that’s when it usually happens. I probably shouldn’t have patted myself on the back quite so heartily though, honestly. Yes, I didn’t gain, but I didn’t lose either. And I really could have. Because while I didn’t gain, it did relocate, that’s for darn sure, just ask my back side! I haven’t really worked out in months. Yes, months. I didn’t renew my gym membership….serious mistake there! And I’ve just been plain lazy. The crazy thing is, it’s almost been a comfort to me that I still have more “tools” to pull out of the tool box and work this weight loss to the max. It comforted me to know I wasn’t at my “last resort” like I was before surgery, and frustrated at having tried everything under the sun. Perhaps that’s a control issue. Um, yes.
So, okay, I’ve established that the ability to lose weight is firmly (or flabbily) in my control. So, now it’s time to USE that control, or ability, and get to where I actually want to be. I’ve actually been quite content where I’ve been. I’ve lost 85 pounds, and was feeling in very good shape, and pleased with my progress. And I’ve enjoyed that “peace with my body” for the first time in my life….for a good 6 months at least. But suddenly I’m no longer at peace with my body. Suddenly I’m noticing a little flab here, a bit softer there, a little too much mush here. And I can’t stand it. Not just because of how it looks, but because of how it makes me feel. Sloppy. Weak. Flabby. Sad. I feel better when I’m working out, eating healthy, and taking the best care of myself.
So, I’ve established that I can go without working out, and eat cookies and ice cream every day in small amounts, and drink too much coffee….and I won’t blow up to 300 pounds. Experiment over. Why I had to find that out…I’m not sure and the whole concept scares me. I’m very aware that if I didn’t have an altered stomach inside of me for the past 3 months that I would have ended up looking like an elephant. Because I.STILL.LOVE.SUGAR. And I’m not very sensitive to it. I’ve learned to “balance” and avoid the sugar coma feeling, and I certainly don’t dump from it.
So, now it’s just me and my desire. And suddenly, thankfully, my desire to be my best just overrode my desire to eat oreo cookies every darn day of my life.
I’ve been through some serious season changes. Started working out of the home for the first time in years, all of my kids are finally in school with the youngest now in Kindergarten, we bought our “forever” home, and I’m back in the ministry at our church. That’s a lot of change. Previous to all of that, I dedicated a good solid year completely to my health. Now it’s time to add that back in.
I can’t fit the gym membership back into the budget until January, so the treadmill is back in the living room, the weights are ready to go, and I’m digging out my water bottle.
And blowing the dust off of my blog.
I think I just wanted to live a “normal” life for awhile, and not have WLS be the forefront of all of my thoughts and time anymore. But I’m beginning to realize that while my weight loss surgery doesn’t have to be eternally in the forefront of my mind, my health does. Taking care of me proactively does. Because otherwise I go looking for normal in a bag of Oreo cookies again. So yeah, it has taken me these past 9 months to realize that my “normal”, or my compass in life when it comes to health, is still a bit off. It’s going to take a little more focus and effort on my part to continue the resetting of my default when it comes to healthy. So, here I go. It’s a new day!